Trying to get past the wall.

 

This has been a hard week for me.  By Friday afternoon, there was nothing left of me.

It started on Wednesday, I had applied for a job in Utah County.  I did because I didn't see many opportunities here in town.  They responded and wanted to interview me the next day.  I really didn't sleep that night just thinking of what may happen.  I left town and went north on Thursday.  I went through the interview and received an offer to work.  I left thinking about what was to come.  I had to start to make arrangements to move north.  I had a million things go through my mind.  I had lived in St. George for fifteen years.  It is my home in every sense.  I was starting to struggle with my emotions at that point.  I spent the evening with my sister and her family.  I tried to go to sleep but I still was trying to grasp what was to come.  Then, on top of that, one of her cats took an interest to me and kept me up the better part of the night. 

Friday morning, my sister was telling me of a couple of places by her that are for rent.  We were just about to go out and look when I get a message from Eric.  There was a possible job opening back in St. George and they needed my resume ASAP.  What they were offering in pay was excellent and I couldn't pass it up.  I packed up everything and shot south.  On my way, the radiator in my car decided it was time for a leak.  I was having to stop every fifty miles or so to put water in my car.  It isn't a good sign when you put more water than gas in your car.  My frustration at the whole situation was building.  My stepfather had a good suggestion since I had determined it wasn't the radiator hose but the radiator itself.  I bought some stop leak in Cedar City.  I made it south without having to but any more water in.  It had turned into a six hour drive.  Almost twice as long as a regular trip.  I get down and get my resume over to the prospective employer.  I find out that it promising but not a slam dunk.  I would find out by Tuesday.  At that point, I really didn't know what to think.  I could be dealing with the possibility of moving but then again, I may not. 

I was so tired that even trying to express my frustrations was to much.  I don't think I have ever felt so completely exhausted emotionally and mentally.  I didn't even want to talk. 

Anyway hanging out with friends and getting out in the sun today has started to help me recover.  I plan on doing the same tomorrow so that I can get myself ready for whatever may come.

I guess what is the hardest for me to deal with is the uncertainty.  I like being impulsive and just going where ever on a weekend or even get in a car with no destination in mind.  But long term, I crave stability.  This not knowing is really hard for me to cope.

I hope that the job opportunity here in town pans out.  I really don't want to leave here yet.