Trying to get past the wall.

 

This has been a hard week for me.  By Friday afternoon, there was nothing left of me.

It started on Wednesday, I had applied for a job in Utah County.  I did because I didn't see many opportunities here in town.  They responded and wanted to interview me the next day.  I really didn't sleep that night just thinking of what may happen.  I left town and went north on Thursday.  I went through the interview and received an offer to work.  I left thinking about what was to come.  I had to start to make arrangements to move north.  I had a million things go through my mind.  I had lived in St. George for fifteen years.  It is my home in every sense.  I was starting to struggle with my emotions at that point.  I spent the evening with my sister and her family.  I tried to go to sleep but I still was trying to grasp what was to come.  Then, on top of that, one of her cats took an interest to me and kept me up the better part of the night. 

Friday morning, my sister was telling me of a couple of places by her that are for rent.  We were just about to go out and look when I get a message from Eric.  There was a possible job opening back in St. George and they needed my resume ASAP.  What they were offering in pay was excellent and I couldn't pass it up.  I packed up everything and shot south.  On my way, the radiator in my car decided it was time for a leak.  I was having to stop every fifty miles or so to put water in my car.  It isn't a good sign when you put more water than gas in your car.  My frustration at the whole situation was building.  My stepfather had a good suggestion since I had determined it wasn't the radiator hose but the radiator itself.  I bought some stop leak in Cedar City.  I made it south without having to but any more water in.  It had turned into a six hour drive.  Almost twice as long as a regular trip.  I get down and get my resume over to the prospective employer.  I find out that it promising but not a slam dunk.  I would find out by Tuesday.  At that point, I really didn't know what to think.  I could be dealing with the possibility of moving but then again, I may not. 

I was so tired that even trying to express my frustrations was to much.  I don't think I have ever felt so completely exhausted emotionally and mentally.  I didn't even want to talk. 

Anyway hanging out with friends and getting out in the sun today has started to help me recover.  I plan on doing the same tomorrow so that I can get myself ready for whatever may come.

I guess what is the hardest for me to deal with is the uncertainty.  I like being impulsive and just going where ever on a weekend or even get in a car with no destination in mind.  But long term, I crave stability.  This not knowing is really hard for me to cope.

I hope that the job opportunity here in town pans out.  I really don't want to leave here yet.

Did you ever have one of those weekends?

This past weekend has been a bitch as far as I am concerned.

It all started Friday evening when I get a call about 4:30.  I find out that my grandfather had fallen out of his bed the night before and had been on the floor for at least 12 hours and possibly 18 hours.  My cousin asks me if I can help so I fly out the door.  Problem is that in St. George, it takes 20-30 minutes just to go 5 miles so by the time I make it there, my uncle had him picked up off the floor. 

Not long after that, my parents so up and decide to stay there the weekend to see how he is doing because he looks really ragged.

I find out on Sunday that my parents took him to the emergency room and that the X-rays show a "Compression Fracture of the Spine".  They tell me it is like broken ribs.  There is not much you can do for them but treat the pain. 

My Mom asked me if I could stay with them Sunday night to make sure everything is OK because she is a teacher and needs to get to Mesquite to get her classroom arranged.  I wasn't thrilled and plenty scared but there is no way I can say "No" to my mom.  I get there and the evening wasn't bad at all.

I help him get into bed they settle down for the night.  About 1:00 in the morning, my grandma calls me because grandpa needs to go to the bathroom and he can't move.  I try to swing the legs over the each of the bed but he starts howling in pain.  Right then and there I know I am in over my head and there is no help from anywhere.  It is so incredibly scary to realize that you are the only one and someone else in pain is depending on you.  After 30 minutes, I finally get him out of bed and get him taken care of.  I was able to get him back into bed but after that, I can't sleep.  Hearing him scream in such pain really got to me.

I had to do the same thing at 4:00 then again at 6:30.  Each time was as hard as the last.  That screaming doesn't get any easier.  I have come to label it "Heartless Compassion." 

I went home but called in sick.  I was to tired and my nerves were frazzled for me to concentrate on anything so I went back to bed.

I get a call about noon from an aunt saying they hadn't gotten out of bed yet so they needed me to help more.  By the time I got there they were out of bed but hungry.  I stayed there in the afternoon meanwhile trying to call insurance company to see what can be done about home care because the way things were going, they couldn't be left alone and everyone in the family had jobs.  While I am trying to learn as I go with insurance, my aunt is falling apart and the rest of the family seemed to be eating itself apart with all the tensions.  My parents decided to stay last night with my grandparents and took them to the doctor.  They have solved some of the problems and tomorrow, grandpa goes in to get an MRI.

Even today, I am having difficulty trying to cope with what happened yesterday and hearing someone howl in such pain.

I guess it comes down to this, growing old SUCKS!!!! 

Finally a break away from St. George

I was finally able to get out of town for a bit.  My friend did a show up in Beaver on Friday night.  I went up to help him set up and take everything down.  It was a beautiful night and I was actually able to enjoy a nice evening breeze. 

The crowd was fun but on the wild side.  I love small towns where they sale beer on site.  They get to drinking and all sorts of fun ensues.  There are times I should have a "Security" t-shirt on cause the locals were getting all over him.  It did make me laugh.  He even signed a girls backside.  It was a shapely backside.  I will say that.

After we finished up backing the band up, we took off up the mountains to hang at the condo.  It was a warm night but so relaxing.

On Saturday, we went down to Three Creek Reservoir to check the area out.  It had been about 20 years since I had been in that area and could remember it.  It was awesome. 

We tried some stream fishing but didn't have much luck.  I gave up and did some hiking around.  The scenery is memerable to say the least.  Here some pictures from the area.

 

From here we went down about 20 miles south to my friends ranch to stay Saturday night.  We went spotting deer and had some good luck there.  We crashed at the cabin then headed back down on Sunday.  It was a wonderful way to recharge the batteries.

Quick music review.

I have been in a mood for '80s rock.  Not the same old songs from the bands but something new from those old bands.  I got my wish.

I downloaded "Lightening Strikes Again" from Dokken.  There are a couple of songs that really struck me.  I like the first track: Standing on the Outside.  It was a fast paced song and the guitar licks reminded my of the original guitarist, George Lynch.  The album as a whole is very well done.  It sounds polished and they are on their game.

I always like Dokken.  They seemed like sheep when it came to their image but their songs went a lot deeper and their musical abilities were among the best in the genre in my opinion. 

If you are in a mood for some good '80s style rock, check this album out.

Some old school Rock.

Today's update.

Today I:

 

I ate at In-n-Out Burger.  It was the grand opening of the joint here in town and the first in the state of confusion...ER...Utah. I had a double-double and it hit the spot.  As far as what it took to get the burger?  Just a 30 minute wait in line at the drive thru.  Talk about putting up with a lot just to get a burger.  It was well worth it but now I think I will let the crowds die down before doing that again.

 

Happy Birthday Dad.

I had a special treat this week.  My dad came down on his annual trip to the south land.  He and his wife, Karen, crashed here Tuesday and Wednesday.  We had a good visit last night catching up and seeing how everything was.  He even tried my left-handed strung guitar.  It isn't as easy as it looks folks.

Anyway it is his 60th birthday and we went up to Zion's National Park.  He wanted to go up Observation Point on the East Rim trail.  If you know Zion's, it is a really steep and long climb.  We found a back way in by going above the park and hiking back into the park.  It was about a 7 mile round trip hike but not hard at all.  It was very windy but not really that cold.  It made for a fun day.

I am happy he made it here and that we were able to spend the day together.

 

Above is a picture of Angel's landing from observation.  It is an awesome sight.